Monday, December 19, 2011

The beginning...

I'm pregnant with my first child, due July 24th 2012.  Actually, this is my first pregnancy ever, as far as I know.  Of course I'm in shock and scared to death...

My boyfriend and I have been together for a little over a year.  I'm 30 and he's 26.  He moved 1600 miles last August to be with me, which was a huge sacrifice on his part and a big leap of faith for both of us, but neither of us have any regrets about that.  We will get married, but hadn't gotten as far as getting a ring and picking a date since we didn't feel any reason to be in a hurry and we're so broke.  Suddenly, surprise, I was far more tired than usual, queasy, and had a weird period, so I took a test just before Thanksgiving.  The first test started out negative but turned positive overnight so I took another the next morning which turned positive right away.  In the shower I sobbed.  Loudly.  My boyfriend (I'll call him B) was at work when I took the second one and I didn't tell him about the first one since it was negative.

The first thing I did after I quit sobbing was call my best friend in a panic and try to hold myself together for work that day.  I like my life as it is.  I was in school and moving a lot for the last 10+ years and I'm just settling into my own place, a job I like, exercise buddies, and finally the man I love by my side.  I'm really not ready to add a new person... at all... and the first couple of weeks I was hoping I would miscarry so I didn't have to do all this right now.  I'm past that now, but it's still early enough that it could happen so I'm not buying anything yet, I'm just at 9 weeks.

That said, I'm not in that bad of a situation right now.  I have my own place, B's here with me and he has no intention of leaving (that's a big deal in my world), my parents live close enough to help, and we both have jobs.  We'll be good parents.  Thing is, we don't have much money, very little saved, living paycheck-to-paycheck, and I wanted some more time for just the two of us to enjoy each other's company before adding another person to the mix and to do things in the "right order" (meaning marriage first), but apparently the universe had other plans.  We could've been better about contraception, but oh well. Both of us thought we would have trouble conceiving so we weren't worried about it. Oops... lol. No choice now but to move forward.

So, a few weeks and a couple of doctor appointments later, I'm doing better.  I think I'm waiting until I get through the 12 week workup with my OB to really get attached, but it's starting to sink in.  I'm waiting for sure to tell the whole world (and as such I'll wait a little bit to announce this blog to my friends... sorry guys!) but my parents, his parents, and a handful of my closest friends know already just because I can't keep it a secret from everyone.  It's hard enough keeping it off of Facebook... lord it's hard not to post anything that would give it away! 

The Jelly Bean (as I'm calling it lol) and I are doing well.  B is very excited, as are both of our moms.  My dad's getting used to the idea and so am I and I have a good support team of friends who have been through a lot.  We'll be just fine.  Warning... this blog will be very frank, and probably a touch graphic as it goes along... mostly, I just need a place to write down and process how I'm feeling about all this and document the whole thing for future whatever.  How eloquent! I blame mom-brain. I get to do that, right?

2 comments:

  1. You are due on my anniversary and Marcy's birthday! So cool! And so excited for you!

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  2. lol awesome! at monday's measurement they shaved the due date to 7/21, but who knows really lol. thanks!

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