Tuesday, December 27, 2011

9 Weeks, Almost 10

The absolute exhaustion didn't last for long.  It was only a couple of days that were that bad, and after that I got 4 days off for the holiday weekend so I could be as lazy as I wanted.  I needed the rest... badly... and maybe I still would've been that exhausted if I had been at work those days too, but luckily I did get caught up on sleep and reading/relaxing, even with Christmas in there and the slight panic that goes with last minute finishing up gifts.  It had been over a month since I was able to just be home for a day, which really drives me crazy so a 4-day weekend where all I had to do was wander between my parents' house and mine occasionally was a godsend.  Every time I sat or laid down there was at least one cat on me.  That got a little old when I was trying to finish up crocheted presents.

It was a nice weekend.  My aunt from Cleveland came out to visit and she'll be here until the 1st or so.  B and I got a good haul of stuff, some of which was gift cards to Kohls that I used about half of and will save the rest for baby stuff or maternity clothes (although their selection sucks... BAD... so yeah, probably baby stuff), we had good meals and some nice relaxing fun.  Yesterday B and I went to Rapid City to shop, which is a dangerous thing to do on the day after Christmas but we didn't have any trouble with it.  I imagine most of the insano traffic was at the mall, which we didn't have to go anywhere near.  It took all afternoon, but I found a comfy pair of yoga pants that dip down in the front, so when none of my other pants fit at least those will.  My work pants are okay for a while still but I was down to 1 casual pair that was remotely comfortable and those are still a bit high in the front to accomodate much more belly, so something had to be done.  I hate shopping for pants.  I'm pear-shaped but until now I didn't have a gut to speak of.  Finding a pair that would work on my thighs but not gap horribly in the back because of my lack of gut was just about impossible.  Now I'm facing a different problem... finding something that works on my thighs, doesn't gap or fall down, and allows comfortably for the growing belly... man I was in the changing room forever. When spring/summer hits I'll probably live exclusively in dresses just because I can.  It'll be a bit tougher in the winter (I do have some sweaterdresses but they need tights or I freeze and those are about as fun to shop for as pants are) but I can get another month at least out of my work pants.  Leggings maybe?  Guess we'll see how it goes.

I've been feeling pretty good, considering.  I crash at about 7pm regardless of whether I napped or not, which is okay since by then I'm done with work and dinner.  The nausea comes and goes and sometimes feels like extreme hunger, so there are times when I can't quite figure out if/what I should eat to feel better so I try a mouthful of a few things to see if any of it helps.  Sometimes it does, sometimes not, but the line between hunger and nausea is very blurry.  It seems like I'm getting clumsier.  Maybe it's the slow mom-brain not being able to keep up with my hand-eye coordination or something... who knows.

Tomorrow (I guess) is the start of week 10, and Jelly Bean is apparently about the size of a kumquat.  I'm not feeling any flutters yet, I don't think... everything feels weird so it's hard to tell what sensations are what anymore lol!  However, I do need to get better about exercising.  This weekend I'll be in Rapid a bunch for the New Years Eve concert, which will require lots of sitting.  LOTS of sitting.  My back will kill me if I don't do some sort of exercise in there too.  Starting next week I'm going back down to 3 days a week at work... which will kinda be nice for nesting and appointments and such, but I'm starting to panic a little about losing $200 worth of income each month.  I'm debating what to do... I've been thinking about taking a training course to become a piano tuner, which I would schedule at my convenience, but the question there is how I come up with the money for the training course if we're already on a tight budget.  We need a new mattress too, for both of our backs, and we need to figure out how to come up with the down payment on that.  Sigh... if only money wasn't so freaking important...

Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Is it naptime yet?

Okay, so I'm just at the end of 8 weeks, should be 9 as of tomorrow. Theoretically. Apparently the Jelly Bean is growing a TON today or something because I'm absolutely exhausted and my stomach won't settle.  I've been fortunate in that I haven't thrown up yet (or in several years, for that matter), but today I'm uncomfortable whether I'm hungry or full or in between.  I'd love to lay down for a while, preferably nap, but I'm at work and that's not exactly an option.  Not only am I the only one in the office most days, and therefore entirely responsible for keeping it running, the floor is thin carpet over concrete and there's no couch or anything to lay on. Inevitably, the instant I get relatively comfortable the phone will ring and/or someone will walk in.  Sigh. So, I sit here and yawn and attempt to look busy, but really, I'd just rather be home in bed.

11/30/11, so about 6 weeks.. not showing yet but feeling "full"
  I took a belly pic last night, the second one I've taken.  It's barely noticeable, but the perma-pooch below my belly button (that's been there since 5th grade... you have no idea how much I'd like to be rid of that thing...) is getting a tad bigger. 

12/19/11, so end of 8 weeks... pokey pooch!

Instead of feeling like it's a baby belly, I just feel fat and flabby.  It's fab feeling. :P  I guess you can tell by my posture in this one how un-awesome I feel lately!  More exercise would probably help, if I was home to do it.  I'll meet with my girls tomorrow but my stamina is maybe 25% of what it used to be.  Oh well, it's better than nothing.  Suppose I should get back to work, huh? Maaaaaaaaybe.

Monday, December 19, 2011

8 weeks

So, how am I feeling? I'm getting used to the idea and trying to relax into it.  Really, we will be fine.  I went to see my OB for the first time a week ago for a mini-consult to make sure everything's fine.  I was told at my first appointment that I'm high risk because of the heart murmur I've had since 1st grade, which has caused me no problems except I get tired faster than other people.  All that meant was I wasn't very good at sports...which I wasn't anyway, and after a few years of trying I didn't care anymore since I'm not a competitive person.  I much prefer dance, music, theater, all that stuff so it really didn't bother me that I couldn't run track or play basketball.

Physically, I run out of steam at about 7-7:30 pm, almost like clockwork.  It's getting frustrating because I work until 5pm 4 days a week so by the time I get home and have dinner and relax a little, I crash.  Not just tired but easy to work through.  No, I almost can't move I'm so tired.  I'm easily chilled, but the nausea I had at first is just about gone.  I can't eat much at a time and I need a snack a couple of hours later, but that's a planning issue more than anything else.  I'll get the hang of it.  I haven't gained very much weight yet, thankfully.  I'm trying not to gain much since my BMI is on the high side.  I'm needing a lot more to drink than usual, so of course my mom says "DIABETES!" lol but it's normal to need lots of liquids since I'm producing so much more blood and growing a new person.

My OB, Dr. B, didn't say anything about the murmur, all she did was ask how I was feeling, having any cramping or spotting, then did a vaginal ultrasound to check on the Jelly Bean.  It's just fine, good strong heartbeat (but didn't check the heart rate yet), good placement, good size.  That was all a big relief to me.  Doing my research online, of course I came across all kinds of people with tubals and strange things like a developed yolk sac but no baby, so I was worried for no good reason.

All is fine.  I'm trying to get some exercise back in, just gentler stuff than I was doing before since my energy level is so low.  Tai Chi feels good to me now, it's mostly upright and takes strength and control but it's entirely up to me how hard I work at it.  Yoga's a bit much and Pilates is right out.  Oops, I forgot to plan dinner... stupid mom-brain. >.<

The beginning...

I'm pregnant with my first child, due July 24th 2012.  Actually, this is my first pregnancy ever, as far as I know.  Of course I'm in shock and scared to death...

My boyfriend and I have been together for a little over a year.  I'm 30 and he's 26.  He moved 1600 miles last August to be with me, which was a huge sacrifice on his part and a big leap of faith for both of us, but neither of us have any regrets about that.  We will get married, but hadn't gotten as far as getting a ring and picking a date since we didn't feel any reason to be in a hurry and we're so broke.  Suddenly, surprise, I was far more tired than usual, queasy, and had a weird period, so I took a test just before Thanksgiving.  The first test started out negative but turned positive overnight so I took another the next morning which turned positive right away.  In the shower I sobbed.  Loudly.  My boyfriend (I'll call him B) was at work when I took the second one and I didn't tell him about the first one since it was negative.

The first thing I did after I quit sobbing was call my best friend in a panic and try to hold myself together for work that day.  I like my life as it is.  I was in school and moving a lot for the last 10+ years and I'm just settling into my own place, a job I like, exercise buddies, and finally the man I love by my side.  I'm really not ready to add a new person... at all... and the first couple of weeks I was hoping I would miscarry so I didn't have to do all this right now.  I'm past that now, but it's still early enough that it could happen so I'm not buying anything yet, I'm just at 9 weeks.

That said, I'm not in that bad of a situation right now.  I have my own place, B's here with me and he has no intention of leaving (that's a big deal in my world), my parents live close enough to help, and we both have jobs.  We'll be good parents.  Thing is, we don't have much money, very little saved, living paycheck-to-paycheck, and I wanted some more time for just the two of us to enjoy each other's company before adding another person to the mix and to do things in the "right order" (meaning marriage first), but apparently the universe had other plans.  We could've been better about contraception, but oh well. Both of us thought we would have trouble conceiving so we weren't worried about it. Oops... lol. No choice now but to move forward.

So, a few weeks and a couple of doctor appointments later, I'm doing better.  I think I'm waiting until I get through the 12 week workup with my OB to really get attached, but it's starting to sink in.  I'm waiting for sure to tell the whole world (and as such I'll wait a little bit to announce this blog to my friends... sorry guys!) but my parents, his parents, and a handful of my closest friends know already just because I can't keep it a secret from everyone.  It's hard enough keeping it off of Facebook... lord it's hard not to post anything that would give it away! 

The Jelly Bean (as I'm calling it lol) and I are doing well.  B is very excited, as are both of our moms.  My dad's getting used to the idea and so am I and I have a good support team of friends who have been through a lot.  We'll be just fine.  Warning... this blog will be very frank, and probably a touch graphic as it goes along... mostly, I just need a place to write down and process how I'm feeling about all this and document the whole thing for future whatever.  How eloquent! I blame mom-brain. I get to do that, right?